you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
