Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
