Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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