I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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