Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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