Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize