Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
