We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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