no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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