worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize