girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Randomize
