It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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