I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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