I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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