Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
everyone is single if you try hard enough
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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