can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
