Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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