you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
