So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
