ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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