Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
