my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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