And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize