WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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