dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
