on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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