can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
