office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
