but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Randomize
