In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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