Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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