I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
