I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
