the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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