I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
