These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
