Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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