It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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