you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
