This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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