Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
