Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize