Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
