When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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