too bad you live with your parents still
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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