no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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