Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
