I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
