I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Randomize