im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Randomize
