Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
