I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
