Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
