my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
