I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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