Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
