I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
