He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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