I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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