She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
