my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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