i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Bring me that man meat
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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