The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
