You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize