yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I need moral support for this bender
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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