People in love make me want to vomit
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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