i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
